Awkward Sex and the City: Quickest ways to get me to hate you.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Quickest ways to get me to hate you.

1. Put an adjective in front of my name…

…for example: Zany Natalie…..Spunky Natalie…fuck off.

2. Talk down to me.

Here’s the thing…I’m not retarded…I went to college…I got a degree… I know a general amount about a shit ton of topics…I watch a lot of news (local and national)… so you assuming that I don’t know that Daoism and Buddhism are two completely different religions is pretty much going to end in passively aggressive comments directed at your penis size….and I have a feeling my estimates won’t be far off.

3. Lying about you knowledge of Youporn.com.

Really?! You really expect me…a girl…who is obviously promoting said web site is actually going to believe that you…a boy…with a penis…has never EVER even vaguely heard of the greatest web site ever created?!?! Fuck off.

4. Not laughing at my perfectly timed black joke.

…fuck off.

5. If you’re a spider.

…fuck nature.

6. Giving me shit for being Catholic.

…look I get it…religion is too “mainstream” for your beliefs…and I’m fine with that…but constantly bashing my Catholic beliefs probably won’t help your chances with me in the sex department.

7. Science.

So here’s the thing…I respect science…I just don’t get it…and don’t pretend like you never questioned the existence of atoms…how do we know they are real if we can’t see them with the naked eye? I just blew your mind.

8. Hug me for two seconds too long.

I’ve let go…so should you.

9. Mustard.

Stop being all yellow…and arrogant…and shit.

10. Being overly politically correct.

I get it…you’re white…and don’t want people thinking you are a “racist” …but here’s the thing…you’re white…so people already think you’re racist.

11. Talk down to me about my knowledge of SNL.

This is one subject I will always….ALWAYS know more than you..deal with it.