I’m a slut for ice cream. Jesus Christ, am I ever.
Well… more accurately, I’m a prostitute for ice cream.
Seriously, if someone tried to barter sex with ice cream…I’d
hesitate. There would be no “what the fuck” exclamation or some immediate look
of disgust and/or constipation. More of a “this guy gets me”/ “did I just meet
my soul mate” look.
It’s sad really. I’d have sex in exchange for some Tasti-D
Lite. To be quite honest, Tasti-Delight is legal tender in my fantasy world, as
it should be in everyone’s fantasy world.
And if you don’t know what Tasti-D Lite is, get the fuck out
of my face, get on Google maps, find the nearest one, buy a pint, come back to
my face, spoon feed me the whole pint, and then we’ll have sex.
I may be a little gassy though…. Dairy products always seem
to make me gassy…
Like I’ve said before (and if you haven’t already noticed)
my life is pathetic/sick/mildly entertaining for anyone how is not me.
My top favorite places in NYC are Tasti-D Lite, 16 Handles,
Serendipity, (terrible movie, fucking awesome ice-cream) and McDonalds. I don’t
care if there are McDonalds everywhere in the fucking world; their ice cream is
like fucking crack. And for that I will always be indebted to Ronald McDonald,
you brilliant, brilliant clown you.
I have an addiction. Seriously. I have to eat it everyday or
I go ape-shit.
Ever see the movie Requiem for a Dream? That’s my life in a
nutshell. And by Requiem for a Dream I mean Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles. And
by Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles I mean, The Apple Dumpling Gang. But I think
you get the similarities.
But I may have/probably/most definitely woken up half-naked
in a pool of my own vomit before…and by before I mean yesterday.
I wish we could do more things with ice cream really. I wish
we could snort it, inject it into our veins, use it as shampoo/body wash/lotion.
I’m pretty sure ice cream is the elixir of life. I’m also
pretty sure a pint of Ben and Jerry’s would end the war on terror.
What if bullets were made out of ice cream?! Dear god, why
hasn’t anyone thought of this before.
And, I think I just figured out how I’m going to get rich,
bitches.
so good. the only reason i go to mcdonalds is for their ice cream. their food is shit. like actual shit.
ReplyDeleteI love ice cream and I have only seen the part of RFAD that everyone talks about. If it taught me anything, it's that you can inject pretty much anything into your veins.
ReplyDeleteRonald McDonald is definitely a brilliant clown. There has to be some kind of drug in that fucking icecream because as soon as it's in my mouth, i want to rub it on my tits and run around the block in sheer delight.
ReplyDeleteMmmmmmmmmmm ice cream.
The question is, what would you do for a Klondike Bar?
ReplyDeleteYES! There is crack in McDonald's ice cream! I am not lying when I tell you that my $1 sundae habit led me to buy an ICE CREAM MAKER. I actually own A MACHINE TO MAKE ICE CREAM at my beckon call because of McDonald's ice cream!
ReplyDeleteFucking ice cream..It's meth wrapped in crack, wrapped in heroin. With sprinkles. Makes me sick as hell, and I STILL lurrv it!
ReplyDelete