Nature. Not a fan. It’s so
tall and arrogant. Like, “look at me my pretty leaves sway in the wind as I
blow gnats into your face.” You little whore. Waving your leaves for all the
boys to see. That’s what skanks do nature. That’s what skanks do.
And don’t be such a
cliché, nature…that annoys me. And why do you have to be such a bitch? You just
can’t seem wait another month for me to lose my winter weight, now can yah? Oh
no of course not, Mother Nature. You want the whole world to see my muffin
top….bitch.
Honestly, nature you have
become a drain on the society. With all your “Save me! Save me!” bullshit.
Beggars disgust me, and you nature, are a beggar. You don’t see me begging
passerby’s for Tasti D-lite, now do you? That one time last week doesn't count…
whatever, fuck you, I have needs.
I think we can all agree
that technology supplies us with the sufficient amount of nature to satisfy our
natural needs. If you even have any. You sick fuck.
If I could sum up nature
with one word it would be, “Meh, it looks better on TV.”
When I want to see nature
at its “finest” (which is never) I’ll just DVR the Discovery Channel or watch
"Planet Earth" high.
I’ve never trusted nature,
and I never will. What are you hiding up in those red woods, you sadist bastards?
It seems like some voodoo magic to me. Think I’m crazy? Well we’ll just see
whose laughing when the Velociraptors come out at night during your “night
hike”. And who the fuck hikes at night? Velociraptors with guns, that’s who.
Well them and liberal hippie douches.
We need to be careful, or
nature will try to fight for it’s natural right on this planet. Which, um
hello, it has no right. Can nature vote during presidential elections? Does
nature shovel Ben & Jerry’s into its mouth when Joey doesn’t call when
he said he would? Does nature wear pleated-pants?
No. No it doesn’t.
Know your role, nature. Know your role. Or we’ll just keep replacing you
with those synthetic plants from Home Depot.
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