Or at least I don't act
like one. If you don't believe me, just read on.
1. I just spent 5
minutes trying to untangle my earphones out of my polygamist wife hair.
2. I haven't been up
before 9 am-10 am in about a month now.
3. Things I have thought
to myself today:
a.
"Pollack...what a great racial slur."
b. "Why aren't
there more raisins in the knock off Raisin Bran?"
c. "What's that smell? ...oh."
4. I'm 24 and I don't have
health insurance. Even with this Obamacare shiz I'm still not covered.
5. I'm a fucking nanny.
6. I get in daily arguments
with a 5 year old... because I'm a fucking nanny.
7. I usually lose these
daily arguments with the 5 year old.
8. I often find myself in
deep conversations with nannies from Trinidad about the most effective ways to
lose weight...because I'm a fucking nanny!
9. I usually don't put on
any clothes until about 3 in the afternoon.
10. Still haven't figured
out this, "how to properly show affection in public" thang.
11. I just used the word,
"thang."
12. I ate burritos for breakfast
today.
13. Well, I ate burritos
for breakfast, right after I finished a bowl of healthy knock off raisin bran.
14. I buy knock off raisin
bran...amongst other things.
15. I'm very excited to
partake in Burger King's new bacon sundae.
16. I call it a productive
day if I have written half a blog post.
17. I like popping zits.
18. I like popping zits a
little too much.
19. I laugh at the Asian
racial slurs the 9- year old I nanny says a little too hard.
20. I basically want to find a job where I never have to leave my bed,
put on clothes or interact with the general public... and I keep telling myself
this is a possibility.
I want a job like that, too.
ReplyDeleteToday I spilled melted butter all over my desk calendar, spilled soup on my skirt, stepped on the hem of my skirt causing it to rip, and it's not even noon yet. Klutz power!
If growing up means I can't pop my zits, then I'll happily be a baby forever. Those thangs are a bug-a-boo.
ReplyDeleteI think we all want number 20...
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