I'm basically about to
ruin any chance with any dude that ever found me remotely cute.
Enjoy!
1. I buy mayo in
economized sized vats as big as a horses head.
2. I used to like Vienna
sausages.
3. I've had sex with a
dude named Mordecai.
4. I still like Vienna
sausages.
5. I've eaten a whole
birthday cake in one sitting.
6. I am almost always
half-naked while eating....it's really the only way to thoroughly enjoy food.
7. Web MD has brought me
to tears because it made me think I was pregnant...on multiple occasions.
8. Almost threw up in
class because of taking Plan B the day prior.
9. I've found Cheetos
residue in my bra...on multiple occasions.
10. One time I got super
duper high and dipped tortilla chips in vanilla icing. It. Was. Amazing.
11. I'm obsessed with the
song "Electric Avenue."
12. The Cosby Show is
probably my favorite sitcom.
13. I like Kesha...she's a
lyrical genius, god damnit.
14. Cheez Whiz? Yes,
please!
15. I don't believe in
science....well I "believe" in it, I just don't respect it.
16. I used to have a rock
collection.
17. I have a very distinct
look, it's a little bit white trash...a little bit, "Does she have a
roofie in her hands?"And a smidge..."Meh, she's
doable."
18. I just had to Google
"roofie" so I could spell it correctly.
19. When I place my cell
phone on my stomach, I can't feel it vibrate.
20. I really have a gift
at making friends with older black ladies in random places...I think it has something
to do with my sassitude.
21. Hate sex is my favorite type of sex.
22. My first reaction
to a dude staring at me will always be to check if there is food on my
face...and there usually is.
23. A couple of weeks ago I killed a shit ton of nature with a stroller. It was the best day of my life.
24. I have sexually
fantasized about my 11th grade AP english teacher...and I know I'm not the only
one (ladies...and gentlemen).
25. I have febreezed my
jeans...on mulitple occasions.
26. I single-handedly got
all siblings banned from school fieldtrips at my brother's school...when I was
four.
27. I do not know how to show affection in public properly.
Regarding numbers 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 9, 12, 13, 22, 25, 26: I say "WORD"
ReplyDeleteTo the rest, I'd say..."Meh, you're still doable" ;)
So funny. Your blog cracks me up!
ReplyDeleteAmazing list...and I would be concerned if you WEREN'T obsessed with Electric Avenue.
ReplyDeleteAnd...these are bad things? Then I am Fucked! It's a good thing my girlfriend already knew me and all my goofy bullshit! And the tortilla chips in the icing! ? ! Must try now!
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