Retail…how the hell has no one written about this horseshit yet?
…let’s get one thing straight. I hate everyone…with the exception of whoever invented youporn.com/mayo/zingers….and you…dur.
However, retail has definitely destroyed my hope in humanity…well honestly, I never really had any to begin with…but now I just like to fart (silently) when a customer is bitching for no real reason.
…and the moment my scent hits their nostrils…priceless.
Everyone in retail hates people. We all know it. We all except and respect that fact…but for the few out there who like to pretend this is a fallacy…
Riddle me this:
Has an associate at any retail store said, “I’m sorry,” to you?
In the mere months I’ve been working in retail, I’ve quickly learned that “I’m sorry,” translates to, “I really don’t give a shit.”
…”You forgot your coupons? I’m so sorry.”
Yeah, I don’t give a shit.
…”You’re mad that you have to wait in this big awful line on Christmas eve because you procrastinated…I’m so sorry.”
I really don’t give a shit…bitch.
…”Oh no, now because you procrastinated we are all out of boxes and now you’ll have to scour this town for the only Dollar Tree open that may be open, but will inevitably be sold out as well…and will probably smell like a constant fart cloud is slowly sprinkling into your mouth…I’m so sorry.”
“You’re trying to return the shirt that you are wearing…without any tags…or proof of purchase…I doubt that’s going to happen…I’m so sorry.”
What the fucking fuck???! You’re trying to return the shirt you are wearing? The shirt that is on your body at this very exact moment as I openly mock you?!
Hmmm…how do I put this politely?
Yeah…I don’t give a shit.