My life is not hard.
I live such an upper middle-class white class suburban life it’s almost nauseating…well…not nauseating for me…this shit is heaven…but maybe for you who are forced to read about it.
…as I float around in my parents pool…sipping a case of Michelob Ultra…watching my
weimaraner and standard poodle bark at the bad golfers as play by my backyard …all to the easy listening of ZZ Top.
Which side note: I love ZZ top…I really do…but after a while all their songs sound exactly alike…you know that I am right.
Any who…back to the white life…it’s a beautiful picture really, with my bikini clad body reflecting sunlight (like it so often does) into the eyes of my ridiculously annoying neighbor kids.
Whatever, they deserve it.
Everything about me screams white…from my wayfayers…to my lacoste polos…to my unadulterated hatred towards liberal hippie douches/hipsters/jewish guys adorning lip rings.
Even, my “career choice” screams white. How many girls did you know in college that wanted to be writers?
“My thoughts are so thought-provoking and shit…it’s like legit…like fuck Siliva Plath and shit…that girl needed to get laid.”
…exactly.
We crackers all think that our thoughts are so unique and deserving of your time…they’re not.
Have you read my blog recently? I ramble on about mayo…and porn….and yes you laugh…but I’m pretty sure half of you laugh out of pure embarrassment that you even ended up at this web site… while the other half are just waiting for me to sell out and turn this into a porn web site.
I don’t know why I feel this constant need to inform you all that I’m white all of a sudden…but while we are on the subject…yes, it is true…I am in fact not an ethnic.
…just in case you were wondering.
Seriously though, it's taking FOREVER for this to turn into a porn site. I'm getting impatient, fuck.
ReplyDeleteLong live ZZ Top!
ReplyDeletePretty obvious that you are, but nothing wrong with that.
ReplyDeleteNot waiting for the porn site waiting for you to go with me to see some ta-ta's.
ReplyDeleteMy prayers have been answered. I actually stay up wondering at night just how white you are, if at all. Now I can rest east.
ReplyDeleteZZ Top and Michelob Ultra basically describes my home life. Love me some ZZ but you're right after awhile it all blends into one song.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to start an over-under on how long it'll take this place to be a porn stop. We'll set it at 3 months. Who wants over? Under?
It's funny I should read this post today.
ReplyDeleteMy husband was just regaling me with stories from when he was a kid and his parents had a share in a private plane. They used to fly down to Florida on a whim, maybe every couple of months or so. But, he complained, it always took at least half an hour to get the plane ready to go before they could take off. I mean, what a pain in the ass to wait 30 minutes before you can take off in your private plane to Florida!
I looked at him and said, "Life was hard for you, wasn't it?"
Michelob Ultra, Nat? Seriously? I'll forgive you.
ReplyDeleteAlso, did you misspell Silvia on purpose? Were you trying to say, Saliva? I don't know... I don't know...
I am a huge fan of mayonnaise porn.... so with that said I am now +1 following!
ReplyDeleteSpank you very much for your awesome comment. I'd like to be blogger of the month, too.
ReplyDeleteI happen to enjoy your upper middle class musings on mayo and porn, so heap 'em on nice and heavy.