I'm proud to present my best friend and future roommate, MATT!!! With a story entitled: STD.
Enjoy....and don't forget to check him out at www.mylifeislame.com
“Matthew,” a nurse yells.
I jump up and follow her into a maze that eventually leads me to a dead end inside of a cold white room with a red slab in the center. I’m told to sit on the slab. The nurse leaves and moments later an older woman who looks like she could be in her eighties enters the room supporting my grandmother’s short gray curly hair and her sweet but tired eyes. My grandmother was about to check me for STDs. Great. She introduces herself and her voice sounds like a dogs chew toy. This is all I can think about until she finally reaches the nitty gritty questions.
“What are you here to be tested for?” She asks.
“Chlamydia.”
“We can go a head and test you for a couple others too, it all costs the same.”
“Okay.”
“Alright. You have two options.” Options? “For $45,” that’s a lot, I need to get beer. “You can pee in a cup.”
“Or for $15,” that’s cheap, “I’ll milk your penis.” What? “Until it comes up.” Until it does what? “And then I’ll take a cue tip,” a cue tip? “And do a quick little swab inside the tip of your penis.” I grip the slab and die a little inside.
“I’ll pee in a cup,” I whimper
“Are you sure?”
“Yup.”
“But that’s 30 more dollars.”
“Yea, I’m gonna pee in a cup.”
“Okay. I will take you to a room and give you a cup. You’ll place it in a little box in the room. Then in about a week the doctor will call you and tell you the results.”
“Easy enough.”
does "milk your penis" mean what I think it's means??
ReplyDeleteOnly $15 for a penis milking? You usually gotta go overseas for prices like that.
ReplyDeleteLol, I think it might be laurel. The nurse was a bit of a freak but it's practical in a way. The older way of doing that test requires a swab in the urethra-VERY SMALL HOLE and if he's turned on the whole will be bigger and probably hurt less. I think that's why she suggested that... but god that would still be so, so painful.
ReplyDeleteso so awkward!
ReplyDeletelove, little.
Awkward indeed, yikes, how creepy is that :P True story? If so, hilarious! And practical or no, being milked by someone who looks like your granny sounds rather freaky !
ReplyDeleteWow I just looked at your followers pics, some of them are slightly pornographic :D
Dry hand job for $15?? I thought that's the kind of thing men jump at!
ReplyDeleteif I had a penis I would prefer to pee in a cup too.
ReplyDeleteI agree, but atleast the boys have a choice!!
ReplyDeleteWhy can't I comment on your friend's blog? Mej.
ReplyDeleteHey, the comments have been activated, thanks for pointing that out.
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