1. Put an adjective in front of my name…
…for example: Zany Natalie…..Spunky Natalie…fuck off.
2. Talk down to me.
Here’s the thing…I’m not retarded…I went to college…I got a degree… I know a general amount about a shit ton of topics…I watch a lot of news (local and national)… so you assuming that I don’t know that Daoism and Buddhism are two completely religions is pretty much going to end in passively aggressive comments directed at your penis size….and I have a feeling my estimates won’t be far off.
3. Lying about you knowledge of Youporn.com.
Really?! You really expect me…a girl…who is obviously promoting said web site is actually going to believe that you…a boy…with a penis…has never EVER even vaguely heard of the greatest web site ever created?!?! Fuck off.
4. Not laughing at my perfectly timed black joke.
…fuck off.
5. If you’re a spider.
…fuck nature.
6. Giving me shit for being Catholic.
…look I get it…religion is too “mainstream” for your beliefs…and I’m fine with that…but constantly bashing my Catholic beliefs probably won’t help your chances with me in the sex department.
7. Science.
So here’s the thing…I respect science…I just don’t get it…and don’t pretend like you never questioned the existence of atoms…how do we know they are real if we can’t see them with the naked eye? I just blew your mind.
8. Hug me for two seconds too long.
I’ve let go…so should you.
9. Mustard.
Stop being all yellow…and arrogant…and shit.
10. Being overly politically correct.
I get it…you’re white…and don’t want people thinking you are a “racist” …but here’s the thing…you’re white…so people already think you’re racist.
11. Talk down to me about my knowledge of SNL.
This is one subject I will always….ALWAYS know more than you..deal with it.
awesome.
ReplyDeleteYou're such a nut. Love it.
ReplyDeleteGreat list.
ReplyDeleteDamnit, I guess this means I need to come clean. You got me, I'm actually a tarantula. I guess this means we can't be friends.
ReplyDeleteBAHAHAHA! You seriously are hilarious. And I agree with your list 100%!
ReplyDeleteFavorite Line: "but here’s the thing…you’re white…so people already think you’re racist"
ReplyDeleteLOVE!
I have a new one that I added to the list this weekend - while at the Indy 500 and sporting my fringed & beaded nascar shirt (jealous?) some dude was like, "Indy Car and Nascar are NOT the same thing." To which I replied, "Jorts are jorts the world around." Do NOT ever make fun of my costumes or correct me for tiny errors that I already identified and accepted.
Number 7 all the way!!! I said, Fuck You, Science! I'm going Liberal Arts!
ReplyDeleteScience did have the last laugh, though. Sadly. :(
Ahahaha if he turned out to be a spider i would freak the fuck out. I hate them, no idea why, but they're creepy and can fit their entire bodies into spaces smaller than my eyelash. That's not ok with me.
ReplyDeleteActually, atomic theory explains and predicts the behavior of matter and its interactions with energy. It evolves and changes with time and does not claim absolute certitude with regard to its own existence.
ReplyDeleteI just ruined my chances to sleep with you, didn't I?
This had me cracking up! "Being overly politically correct.
ReplyDeleteI get it…you’re white…and don’t want people thinking you are a “racist” …but here’s the thing…you’re white…so people already think you’re racist." haha, and it's TRUE!
White people are always afraid to laugh at racial jokes, unless they're behind closed doors. If you tell me a funny racially-charged joke I will definitely laugh.
lightning bug's butt,
ReplyDeleteyour comment probably improved your chances of sleeping with other random chicks though, i mean, depending on the person and what they're into.
Haha! Mustard is pretty condescending...
ReplyDeletewouldya look at that these are all on my list as well. Jut catholic with Jewish.
ReplyDeleteHey I love mustard! Sin on the other hand being Catholic yep we sure know all about it thats why we invented confession. Science however is awesome and such. I think the person who invented political correctness should be shot. I mean really if you can't offend at least one person a day the day was just a wasted and that's coming from an uber white girl.
ReplyDeleteYouporn is soooooo 2010.
ReplyDeleteBut, if Natalie becomes "naked Natalie" (ha, adjective that) by Youporn, so be it.
I've been going through the 70's years of SNL on Netflix lately. Soooooooo good. I would totally bang Chevy Chase circa 1976.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I prefer xvideos.
Hahaha... you're hilarious :D And A completely authentic list, you.
ReplyDeleteSo, after consideration, I wish to be your facebook friend. In a zealous fit of... oatmeal creampies and shame I tried to do just that, befriend you. But I was stopped. Many people are named paige. So how can we make this happen? It'll be my real profile so you must be sworn to secrecy-or die, your call.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I know exactly what you mean about the mustard.
"i've let go...so should you." my favorite quote of the week.
ReplyDeletelove it! love you!
love, little.
Note To Self:
ReplyDeleteDon't Piss Natalie off...
Just sayin'...
~shoes~
Lord, it's like you're reading my diary... ;-)
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you for your congrats - much appreciated!!
XO
A.
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ReplyDelete