What is this new thing with hot dumb guys, that they are obsessed with getting head?
They’re all like (in a dumb man voice), “Yeah, I’m easy…I just like head.”
And then I’m all like (in a really pissed off voice), “Oh really, cause I just want to have sex….cause at least when I’m having sex with you I can pretend like I’m having a good time.”
When you’re giving head…there is no pretend time.
You’re pretty pissed there is a penis in your mouth.
…sometimes I’ll even pause during the act of and be like, “Hey, you. Yeah, I’m talking to you. See this face. See it? Remember this face… This is not a happy face…..”
I’m like a five year old that’s just been told they have to eat all their vegetables.
“Nuh uh…you’re going to have to pry my mouth open…mother fuckers.”
Yeah…that’s right. I said motherfucker when I was five…badass, mother fuckers.
(Also…five bucks this is the one post my dad will accidently reads on my yellow legal pad that I leave EVERYWHERE in my parents house…and he will not be a happy camper.)
Any who…
It’s not like I’m all “I only like it when guys go down on me and my lady junk”….and shit.
And yes, I know some girls fucking live for that shit.
Fuck that. I hate it. I don’t even want to know what you guys are thinking about down there. Your thought process never makes logical sense in the matters of lady junk.
“Well maybe if I put this…there.”
“Don’t…don’t do that.”
“Whoops…sorry…I thought that made sense.”
“….that will never make sense.”
I’ve never…NEVER…. had a good/decent/normal experience down under.
So, stop listening to that one dude who’s been telling everyone women LOVE that…that sick fuck.
Yeah that’s right…I’m talking to you…I will never understand why you thought that was a good idea…
…ever.
Et tu, Brutus?
ReplyDeleteI had one too...about a week ago..fooled ths sucker...i wonder how long did he wait in the cubicle before he wised up that I'm not coming?! :p
I love oral sex. Both ways. Can't deny it. But hey, each to his own.. =) Hehe!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with your assessment of giving head. However...people probably tell you this all the time, but if you can find a guy who knows what he's doing, it can be fun to be on the receiving end. I PROMISE!
ReplyDeleteYou know what they say,
ReplyDelete"A dick in the mouth is worth two in the bush"
I love going down on a woman. I would rather go down on a woman than have her give me head.
ReplyDeleteAnd I must say that you need to have a man do it that knows what he is doing. Once you get that you will never say you don't like it again.
This is comedic genius: When you’re giving head…there is no pretend time.
ReplyDeleteLove it.
Also, we like head not just for the sexuality, but for how special it makes us feel. No joke. Ironically, the closest men come to feeling like women is when you're sucking our cocks: it makes us feel so special.
the only time i've ever not hated, and i mean hated, giving head is with my current boyfriend. he is so freaking appreciative that i can't help but indulge him. he also goes out of his way to make sure i am 100% satisfied before i go down on him, and really, when someone gives me multiple orgasms, it's the least i can do to make him happy.
ReplyDeletei think that's love. maybe.
WEll 1) if that is the new thing Im in a good place cause I give an awesome blow job, but
ReplyDeletei have to say i have seen this trend recently myself and personally i think it sucks ass.
I need to get my "O" too. What the fuck!
That is hilarious. Also, I wish I'd been that cool when I was five.
ReplyDeleteChick... It's not just young hot guys. It's also married 27 year olds with 2 kids!!
ReplyDeleteThank god my husband loves going down on me. Unfortunately for him it better be a milestone birthday/anniversary or the end of the world before I go down. And even then I refuse to swallow.
ReplyDeleteHe's only challenged it once and when I told him I will right after he drinks it out of a cup. He's never asked again.
Ay now I feel weird for saying I actually like giving. Oh well. Yeah, I love giving.
ReplyDeleteReceiving... meh... not so much. Unless he's mega gifted at it (which usually means he has a small penis). Tried and true, boys and girls. Love you, Natsters.
i don't mind giving. i don't mind receiving. i do however need to be in the mood to suck a cock. just sayin' :D
ReplyDeleteHOLY SHIT YES. This just fucking happened to me. I went out with a younger guy and we were hooking up and he just wanted to me to go down on him. HE SET THE GODDAMN ALARM so we could wake up early and I could do it again.
ReplyDeleteLet's be clear, douchebag... I hate your penis and sperm is fucking sick.
Oh - and totally with you on the vag-ness. Ew. Just get out.
I enjoy giving it just as much as I enjoy getting it, but seeing I play for the same team this changes things. What can I say, the gays love dick.
ReplyDeleteUnless of course he gets me off first - then I just want a sandwich and a nap...
“Well maybe if I put this…there.”
ReplyDelete“Don’t…don’t do that.”
“Whoops…sorry…I thought that made sense.”
“….that will never make sense.”
love it.. way to live up to your blog title.
i'm a fan of 6 and 9 myself.. ;)
xo
you are right.. there is no good thoughts going through my head. I normally just continually think: "serious, cum already"
ReplyDeleteGood call.
ReplyDeleteI think our vags are just like some complicated labyrinth to the male eye that they think they just HAVE to solve...it's like a jigsaw puzzle...or the final round of jeopardy
ReplyDeleteChick-Fil-A?
ReplyDeleteThis. Exactly.
ReplyDelete