Why Premarital sex is a good idea:
I have so many reasons to back this up I don’t know where to begin… maybe I’ll start with the fact that the human life span is far far too long… thus we don’t want to get married when we’re twelve anymore but we still want to bone everything we see.
Modern science has made abstinence nearly impossible; I think I discovered my clitoris when I was two or three… all I remember was my mother telling me to keep my hands out of there, I remember her telling me that a lot. How can anyone expect people to keep it in their pants till they get married if our bodies are ready sometime around twelve years old (younger for me…) but people don’t get married till mid to late twenties? The fact that I waited to have sex till I was seventeen is more impressive than waiting till I’m twelve and getting married to my farm husband who expects me to pop out 15 kids and cook over a fire while darning his socks and never speaking lest I’ve been spoken too. All I’m saying that waiting till you were married wasn’t’ a big deal back in the day… they only lived till they were thirty or so to begin with, so marrying someone at ten or whatever meant you spent more than half your life with them, and waiting ten years is nothing. Nothing I tell you!
Now, we live till we’re 70, so… if we don’t get married till we’re 34 we’re still going to be spending half our lives with this one person. Who wants to wait thirty years to get their dick wet?
Or a P in the V…?
Or a V next to the V? I don’t discriminate here people.
All sex is good, and from what I hear lesbian sex is the best. I wish my door swung the other way sometimes; I’d be down for good sex, nice smells, and both people wanting to snuggle after. I do enjoy being the big spoon.
So, this I guess leads to my next point, why the heck can’t you get married if you’re gay? The only thing preventing this is people being discriminating ass holes, if we let them get married they could have all the gay sex they wanted under the protection of the sacrament of marriage and no one could say anything else. According to Slaughter House Five every baby has 7 parents anyways, and two of them age gay men. And we all know that Fiction is really the only place to get reliable scientific fact… oh wait, no, that’s from the Bible… Scientific fact comes from the Bible.
Please excuse me while I go do some Lutheran stuff so I can get into Heaven. Thank you.
I guess the next reason, and I know everyone says it, but why buy a car without test driving it first? You’re not going to marry a guy (or gal) if he can’t cook, right? Okay, well, yes, you probably still are. But, you can get around that. You can eat out (hahaha), you can get hot pockets and those pizzas that are supposed to be really good but aren’t, or you could even cook yourself (please, only as a last option). But what to you do if they are terrible in the sack? Eventually they get better or you get out. Amirite? If it wasn’t the case I’d still be having bad sex in my not-boyfriends basement while we watch reruns of Seinfeld and talk about calculus because I’ve been a nerd since birth, okay.
Sadly that’s not the case. Sadly I’m not having any sex. But, I’d rather have no sex than bad sex and so I’m here, waiting to find some guy on match dot com who I think is worthy of putting more than his face between my legs. Back to not feeling sorry for myself:
Cooking is pretty important though; so, if that is important and you test that out on each other from really early on in the relationship, why not sex? Why not something so fundamentally important for overall well being that there are doctors who devoted their entire career to it? Doctors. Career. Devote. Sex. Doctors. Sex.
It’s important people, and I am not going to wait till I fall in love to do it. Religion is one thing, God is one thing, being a pent up asshole that refuses to get some release is entirely something separate. It makes no sense. Our bodies were made to do it, they need it. It’s a fundamental hunger that grows and grows, we need to feed the desire, be who we were made to be. With the invention of condoms (not just for infant prevention, also keeping your girl parts fresh and smelling like fruit) you can be on your back as often as you’d like and there are no consequences…
Okay, maybe I should say that differently. How you look at sex from the beginning (i.e. when you first discovered that cleaning it was way more fun than cleaning all your other part) and depending on what you were taught and believed reflect on how you’ll view it once you start doing it, regardless of if you’re married or not. Just because you now have a ring on your finger doesn’t mean the guilt you felt every time you looked at your hot math tutors ass goes away. It’s all about how you look at it, and I think people look at it wrong.
If you look at sex as a way to make babies; then you’ll see sex as a way to make babies. You’ll be afraid to fully enjoy yourself because even though your intent isn’t to make a baby, the thought is always there, looming in the distance, threatening to impregnate you.
If you look at sex as a dirty act that is sinful, even after you’re married you’ll still see it as that. All the pressure from seeing your body as dirty and wrong your entire life up to that point will be too much. You won’t be able to enjoy yourself and you won’t be able to get all the benefits (pain release, sinus health, sleep inducing, cardio…) because your stupid brain and your mother’s voice will get in the way of a seriously good time.
But, if you look at sex as an adventure, a fun journey to take your body on that can be done with someone (or by yourself) then you will get the benefit. You will feel better after because it also relieves stress, and we all could use some good old fashioned stress reduction. There is no medical reason to wait till you’re married, your period doesn’t wait till you’re married, your wet dreams where you wake up stuck to the sheets don’t wait till you’re married, why should you wait to use those working parts till you’re married?
All I know is Jesus died a virgin for my sins so I wouldn’t have to… that’s how it goes, right?