And now I'd like to introduce miss Dana from pushingthirtyy.wordpress.com with her take on being a bitch...
What Makes Me a Bitch
Being a bitch is a privilege one must not take lightly. I mean, not everyone has the talent, sass, or gall to be a bitch. And perfecting one’s bitchiness takes a lifetime of exposure to the elements, and developing the appropriate reaction to situations. Let’s practice.
You invite you friends over. They decide to invite their friends over without your permission. How do you react?
Non-Bitch, but passively annoyed: “Oh, it’s cool. I think I have enough food/beer/weed to go around. Just make sure they don’t break anything, or sleep with anything.”
Clearly annoyed Pro-Bitch: “I really don’t want your skivvy friends skanking up the place. They better bring a stripper/weed/food/beer to make up for it, or I’m throwing their shoes out the window.”
Obviously the only rational reaction is to be a Bitch. Don’t hate. Just learn.
I don’t have a problem being a bitch. My problem is controlling my bitchiness so I don’t cross that fine line between Bitch and Psychobitch. My dear friend at Dezolutions just reminded me of a time where I did cross the line. Here’s how that went down. I’ll let you be the judge of the appropriate reaction to get a message across.
Your boyfriend is drunk and pushing your buttons. You give him fair warning, but he persists:
Non-bitch: Ignore him and hang out with your friends
Bitch: Embarrass him and call him out for being a douche
Psychobitch: Pummel him on the train in front of strangers so that boy will know who's boss...
Yea... so maybe I overreacted. But I did make a point, and leave a mark. :)
As I’ve gotten older, my anger levels have gotten insanely high. I can actually feel the anger in my veins. I’ll be completely fine one minute, then one little thing will set me off (I hear you people whispering bipolar -- guess what? fuck you!). So before I burst I need to find out why. So I turn to the obvious. PMS? Maybe. I’m on the pill, so maybe it’s that I’m fucking with my hormones too much? I took this one to the bank, or in this instance, to the gyno. I don’t usually consult a doctor about anything, but I figured it was worth a shot.
Here’s how that conversation went:
“I’ve noticed that I’ve gotten bitchier lately. I’m wondering if it has something to do with my birth control. What do you recommend?”
“So let me get this straight -- you think your birth control is making you bitchy?”
Great. Even my doctor thinks I’m a bitch. As long as he doesn’t think I’m a psychobitch...ok maybe he does. Whatever, I’m a bitch so I don’t care.
So maybe I just need to vent about what exactly makes the Bitch in me come out. Here it goes:
Repeating myself. If I have to say it more than twice, you need to get your ears checked.
Stupid people. Stupid people should be used to bitches, because it’s all their fault. If you continuous say stupid shit, expect to be bitch slapped.
Rude people. I know the city is crowded, but if you bump into me, show some fuckin manners. Otherwise I may trip you next time.
Technology failing. Damn all the companies that have made me rely on technology to live. If my ipod, camera, computer, cell phone, or tv isn’t working, don’t come near me, unless you want a remote control in your forehead.
Overly sensitive people. I’m not politically correct. Deal with it. There is a reason why stereotypes exist. As a Jew, I am the first to make fun of jews. If you can’t take a joke, go lock yourself back into the bubble you came from.
Ok, if I go any further, I’m going to be bitchy all night. Not that I mind, but I’m pretty sure my boyfriend would like to be able to come home tonight.
Just one more thing. Try to love a bitch. If you can learn to love a bitch, you will open your eyes to a better world. A world without pansies and pussies. What can I say? Bitches do it better.