So it's Friday and we've all got better things to do than read my blog. So let me be frank. There are just some people I could never see having sex. The thought haunts my virgin mind everyday and so of course I feel the need to share it with you.
1. Condoleeza Rice
Nope, she doesn't have sex. Nope. Nope. Nope. In all reality she is probably a freak in the sheets but again for my sanity, there's no way this woman has sex.
2. Roseanne O'Donnell
I heard when she has sex she takes on the form a a praying mantis... and well I think you know the end of that story....
3. Me
I am a saint! I tell you! A saint. But I don't seem to be able to find a picture proving that so....
4. Tom Arnold
Oh who am I kidding. We've all sexually fantasied about this man (gentlemen).
5. The Real Peter Griffin
That's icky....
6. Jeb Bush
I just assume every time he has sex he's thinking about George and I dunno, a brother thinking about a brother while he's doin' it....bug gah.
7. Daniel Radclife
Harry potter is a saint I tell you! A saint!
8. Ann Coulter
Any woman with man hands is on the "i can't see you having sex list," Ann Coulter.
9. Glenn Beck
Just change your personality. Just change it. Or talk to god G. Beck and see if he'll let you reproduce asexually....
10. Mom's With Mom Haircuts
I of course now have to stab out my mental retinas with a hot soldering iron, thank you very much.
ReplyDeleteI bet mom's with mom haircuts are the skankiest sex fiends of all!! Especially if they're rockin mom jeans.
ReplyDeleteBahahaha!! Great list, I'm now mentally tortured by it... but that's ok. Have a good weekend.
ReplyDeleteMoms with moms haircuts.
ReplyDeleteOH I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU FOR SAYING THAT. Why the fuck do moms cut their hair like that? YUCK!
Everyone on this list made me kinda puke my little coffee out but Harry Potter? I'm sorry he is grown up and kinda sexy. I'll go hide in my celibate hole now.
Notice people's reaction to EVERYONE on the list... You are on that list... That is not very nice. Personally I would have sex with at least one person on there.
ReplyDeleteDaniel Radclife used to come into my ex-girlfriends cafe all the time. Apparently he was a bit of a man-whore.
mom's with mom haircuts....niicccccce!
ReplyDelete...My pussy is like sandpaper now...thanks :(
ReplyDeleteIf I rub my legs togeher I'ma start a fucking fire..those visuals ...killed my sex life.
I'll tell you what, though. Glenn Beck spends an inordinate amount of time fantasizing about having sex with Ann Coulter. I'll bet you a hundred dollars!
ReplyDeleteShit, you forgot to add Carrot Top to the list.
ReplyDeletei laughed out loud when i saw "the real peter griffin"- omg.
ReplyDeleteThat "mom" looks like she talks during sex. I don't mean, like, dirty talk--I mean like she might try and start conversations.
ReplyDeletegaah. glenn beck. that's enough to scar a girl for life.
ReplyDeleteJeb Bush doesn't have sex because that requires entirely too much motor skills and coordination. But Danial Radclife? Every night. In my head.
ReplyDeleteI would like to respectfully add to this list:
ReplyDelete- Nancy Grace: the only way she was impregnated with those twins was with a porno mag & a turkey baster.
- John C. Reilly: Dude is funnier than shit...dammit to hell if those sex scenes in "Step Brothers" didn't damage me for life
- Me: apparently last weekend, while naked in bed with a guy, I yelled "I don't want to do this." and ran to put clothes on. Loser.
Thanks for the bday wishes!
If you've ever read any fan fiction, you'll definitely know that Harry Potter is no saint. Lol.
ReplyDeleteoh my god that is the real Peter Griffin! I guess they had to find inspiration somewhere.
ReplyDeleteI must say, there are an overwhelming number of right wingers on your list, so to be fair I'd like to even it out. Let's add Hillary Clinton. Of course Bill has to cheat because Hillary just, yea no.
I've seen Harry Potter's schlong thanks to a performance of Equus. It did not make my happy place warm.
ReplyDeleteMy addition would be Reece Witherspoon - I just can't picture her in a sexual context at all. Runners-up are Kate Hudson and Andie McDowell.
ReplyDeleteI'm kind of jealous of BugginWord. I'd like to see Harry's wand. Just out of curiosity of course. Please add to this list Jacky Chan and Tom Petty. *shivers* The ninja and the giant rat. Eww.
ReplyDeleteThe only addition I can think for this list is my parents. Unfortunately I already saw with my own eyes that it is possible. Twice. Shudder.
ReplyDeleteImagine you having sex? Strangely enough I already did when you created the mental image in your one post of “you fucked my man on the stairwell.” For some reason I pictured you looking like Marla from Fight Club.
Why don’t you add that conservative woman from Delaware to the other conservatives/republicans on this list? People always mention that she “anti-wacking it.” I’d start working myself in front of her, so she’d get so incensed and just grab my piece to stop me. I win either way.
I completely agree with everything on your list.
ReplyDeleteHAHAHA, this are fucking hilarious.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree!
EEW! The mental images would have been enough but you added photos! I'll never look at sex the same for awhile, just because you're in a dry spell don't mess it up for me :) haha
ReplyDeleteoh my god that pic of Ms.Rice just killed me!
ReplyDeleteDidn't Harry Potter have the lead role in a play about horse fucking?
ReplyDeleteI think I threw up a little in my mouth just now... Thanks.
ReplyDeleteWell, Daniel Radcliffe is not so innocent. Equus. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKqMq9V2R2E&feature=related (BTW, it's not about "horse fucking" although it looks like it. It's actually a friggin fantastic play.)
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