For the three of you that were reading my blog a year ago, then you know I had a very very hard decision to make: to get adult braces or to not.
I had finally admitted to myself that I wanted to be a comedian/comedic actor/stripper and my teeth were an issue.
Seriously, it was a huge issue. I had fangs. Well that is an under statement, in all honesty, I looked like an extra from Twilight. And I would have kept them (the fangs) too, but I was pretty sure that this whole TV vampire shit was going to end soon.
Long story short, I picked the former and after a year of antagonizing embarrassment produced from a 21 year-old mouth of metal, as of yesterday I am no longer a freak of nature.
I have fixed my one facial flaw. Ok that is an exaggeration…I could be tanner.
I can still remember my hand shaking as I signed my life away (they make you sign a contract…those bitches) , or more accurately signing my sex life away. Coincidently, my sex life actually got a little better…. I think the guys could smell the desperation on my face…I don’t know… well actually I do know, that’s exactly what happened.
The worst moment was when I encountered my own kind…the other adult bracerers. It’s the equivalent the ginger head nod, but more embarrassing...because you soberly chose this life. You both know your decision was just (in your narcissist minds), but still you stand their in front of each other two defeated adults stuck in a limbo of metal and roast beef…. The roast beef always seemed to get stuck…
And after this post I am blocking out my “brace face” year out of my mind. I will never talk about it again. I will never think about it. Why? Because it never happened.
Never.
I’m also getting headshots in the near future so get ready to blow your loads (prepubescent boys who accidently ended up at my blog by googling “masturbating too much”).
And for the record my new stripper name is Tequila Mockingbird…
My stripper name is Shayla Milton. Sounds saucy and bendy.
ReplyDeleteYours just sounds down & dirty.
Speaking of dirty my Captcha was "Stephy." Thats the name of my BFF and she is dirty.
Conga-rats! Enjoy meals without metal-induced leftovers!
ReplyDeleteDo you remember cork penis from one of my old posts?
ReplyDeleteHe's 29 and just got braces. Wanna know what's funny? He's a cute dude, 6'2" and the girls dig him but I never really saw him "like that." But after he got his braces, I'm all "Hmmmmmm yummy." I'm constantly telling him I want to lick them. He laughs but I'm serious. I find them sexy!
Glad you're a walking Colgate commercial now. Have a great weekend!
lol, this was oddly inspiring, i have fangs or worse "fang" and i've always struggled with the thought of adult braces...now i think i'll go for it and block it from my memory lol
ReplyDeleteI've been ignoring the fact that i need braces for 5 years now! I really want to have perfectly straight teeth but just can't handle the whole "i can set off metal detectors with this baby" look. I'm hoping that i can get me some of those pop in pop out thingies as it's only the bottom set i want doing. Hmmm you may just have inspired me to take a giant step forward in the face furniture department.
ReplyDeleteLOL Annah. I personally don't find them unattractive or attractive. It all depends on the guy, and congrats!
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I'll make you have to relive that year! NEVER FORGET! No, just kidding. I'm glad you're finally rid of the embarrassments, but, couldn't you have just gotten those invisible braces they advertise on TV, to, you know, have avoided the awful year of awkwardness?
ReplyDeleteCongrats on being done with braces. I had mine at age 12 and didn't get as tormented as I thought I would. Can't wait to see the head shots!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, if there was a signal of communication between gingers, it was never taught to me. Damn it!
Tequila Mockingbird is coincidentally also what I'm going to name my first child. Boy or girl.
ReplyDeleteI love you. We're both so clever.
Congratulations on officially becoming hot!
ReplyDeleteYou are hilarious! Congrats on getting the braces off! I went the other way and in April, I got Invisalign. I have to wear them for probably a full year and a half. I was grateful that I could get them instead of braces. I just have a small issue with one tooth curving in a little too much. How long did u wear the braces?
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I haven't read your Blog for a while but I have to say every time I do you make me laugh out loud. Glad your feeling free now :) xxx
ReplyDeleteI got braces as an adult too because I had a cross-bite. It was definitely an interesting experience. I remember someone calling me vain and saying they didn't understand why I thought I needed braces. Someone else told me it would help fix my overbite. Yeah, a crossbite and an overbite are two totally different things. And I once had someone say they loved my tooth jewelry. Mostly though, people told me they liked my braces because they were gold. And they all wanted to know how much longer I had to wear them.
ReplyDeleteDidn't do anything for my sex life at all.
Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment on my blog.
this is my story!!! so i had braces a long time ago like everyone else but then i got jaw surgery and it messed up my bite and teeth so i had to get braces..again! at 21!!! and i am a pretty vain person so i did opt for the white brackets but i used to wonder behind people's backs why on earth they would get braces after 16 and i became one of them. and i never smiled for a year and i totally get you when you said that AWKWARDness when seeing someone else with braces....GAAH. i tried to play it off like "well i got braces at 21 to build character" but finally i had my ortho take them off early since it was just too much. good for you for doing it though since in the long run, it is still worth it. and don't forget to wear your retainers for life.
ReplyDeleteTerrific stripper name; if you can ride that pole, you'll be a success in no time. As for the braces, I give you alot of credit for taking your vanity seriously. And as I say to my daughter, just think when it's all said and done, you'll have nicer teeth than half the country. See. You're all done. I think it's great, and you do have alot of courage. Now go out there and ride that poney!
ReplyDeletebraces suck. but then you wouldnt know would you, you NEVER had them :)
ReplyDeletebtw about that comment on my blog, were you serious? :P
I'm glad your teeth have been liberated from their imprisonment. All those bars make me claustrophobic. You'll be stunned to see how much less you get pubes stuck in your maw.
ReplyDeleteCongrats! In a few months I too will have to have braces put on, except it will be 2 years for me, and it will be my 3rd time with braces. I have TMJ and will have my jaw broken and then wired shut, so I'm trying to convince myself that the braces are the least sucky part of the whole experience.
ReplyDeleteHi Tequila Mockingbird, I accidentally found your blog while googling in my bedroom where my mum wouldn't see me...
ReplyDeleteNo, not really. I actually have teenage boys now so that's not funny anymore, yikes : )
Funny post and well done on surviving the year of whatever that thing was that didn't happen...?
i went with invisalign and it didn't help shit in the bro department. i'm suing my dentist.
ReplyDeleteI had to wear braces for two years and I don't miss them at all. Congrats on becoming brace free!
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Congrats! I had to wear braces for two years, too, AFon. I was so happy when I got 'em off.
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