So, this week I’ve decided to make this a fun-filled week of posts about my mother. (She knows and she’s not happy.) Granted, she doesn’t read my blog… God that be awkward…but she thinks all I do is blog about her anyway, so might as well fulfill her wishes.
Shit my mom says. Edition #1.
My mother and I are pretty much the same person. Inside and out. (She has worse gas.) Same height, same hair color, same shoe size, same weight ( I know shoot me). We look so much alike people think we are sisters…. she’s 52…I’m 22. What the fucking fuck?!
Of course we have the same exact personality. Which made this post so easy to write. I literally just followed her around for a day with a notepad and pen, with my mother complaining the whole time… “What are you writing down…Wait I didn’t mean that don’t fucking write that down…. Jesus Christ this better not end up in your fucking blog.”
Sorry mom:
“Every time I hear that god damn umbrella song, I want to punch Rihanna in the god damn face.”
“Fucking toast the bird.”
“God I wish I could tan like that.” In reference to a chicken’s skin on the grill.
“Come on Bubba, just bubba up and grow some bubba stuff.” She was talking to a tree.
“You want to know the secret to a successful marriage? Beer.”
“How could I hate something that looks exactly like me? If you didn’t you’d be screwed.”
“Whoops…that may have been a shart…don’t fucking write that down!”
“You know she ate paint right?” In reference to me to my best friend when I went left the room.
“I don’t want the Mexican’s hair.”
“You better get famous, I want to walk around naked in your house in the Hamptons and walk in on you and your husband doing it… and be like ‘yeah this is awkward isn’t it’…next time knock!”
…I love you mom.
Haha man you have balls to post that when you know your mom is going to read that. My mom would kill me. HIlarious. :) Can't wait to read more.
ReplyDeleteWow. Sounds like my mom, except it makes sense. Good one. This sounds like a post everyone should have.
ReplyDeleteI love that your mother talks to inanimate objects (as we all do.. right? RIGHT?)
ReplyDeleteoh...em...gee!!! i literally laughed out loud & i'm at work. i want your mom to write a blog!!!
ReplyDeleteI also often hear from my mother "Why are you writing?" and "This better not end up on your fucking blog!" That just guarantees that it will.
ReplyDeleteYour mom is full of win.
ReplyDeleteHaha LOVE it! Same deal with my mom - looking like 26-years-apart twins, finishing eachother's sentences LOL Moms are great :))
ReplyDeleteYou mom is hilarious! The part about the tree- love it!
ReplyDeleteHere's an award to you from me! :D
http://thepunkrockmom.blogspot.com/2010/08/you-all-are-too-kind-im-blushing.html
Enjoy! Have an amazing week!
<3MaryAnne
Damn, we are the same age. You're braver than me for letting your mother read your blog. You beat me in terms of bravery with the "I don't think" post. It must be cool to have an older twin.
ReplyDeleteSome of my favorite real-life quotes from my mother, really wish I was making this up.
"me: I want to kill myself.
My mother: Go ahead!"
"You think you know everything, you don't know s-h-i-t!"
I can't recall her exact words, but she did say once that we were going to get into an accident because she was going to let go of the steering wheel and punch me in the face.
Your mom sounds awesome! She should have her own blog too! :)
ReplyDelete*AMAZING*
ReplyDeleteI will be using what the fucking fuck from now on fyi
also, these quotes made me laugh until i cried. thank you!!! :)
BEER. Damn, why didn't I think of that?
ReplyDeleteKickass stuff.
You're hilarious, i gave you a blog award
ReplyDeletehttp://theboyfrienddrama.blogspot.com/2010/08/my-first-blog-award.html
I love this! You have a killer blog!! :) Hazel
ReplyDeleteha ha ha!! i love this post! I wrote a post on my mom and she went mad as she reads my blog!! the other day was well awkward you could of wrote about it on your blog and she said ' you better not put anything about that on your blog' but I am rather tempted ha ha
ReplyDelete"You want to know the secret to a successful marriage? Beer.”
ReplyDelete^ Best advice ever! I'm going to keep this one in mind.
LOL this is hilarious! Love your blog! Love it so much that I just gave you a blog award! http://www.thedatingjungle.org/
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